Interlude 4:  Forgiveness
by pbw
Summary: Forgiveness takes a while even for someone as compassionate as Charles Xavier.


**Interlude #4: Forgiveness**

_Follows directly after Interlude #3: Breaking and Entering_

_Indirectly prompted by It's Rayning. )_

_I own nothing, blah, blah, blah. _

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><p>Charles sighed. He knew that he loved Erik very much. But that rational side of him (which was becoming more and more vocal each day) clearly did not want Erik Lensherr back in his life at this point in time. The man had <em>crippled<em> him but yet here he was welcoming him back into his life. Almost as if nothing had happened.

But fuck it all, something did happen. _Something fucking big_. A person could just not _ignore_ losing the ability of one's legs, helping your lover _kill_ his mortal enemy and letting one's _sister_ go with said murderer. To Charles it spoke volumes of insanity on his part.

Or extreme amounts of love and devotion.

Currently, though, Charles was on the side of insanity when all things Erik Lensherr crossed his mind these days.

Oh, to be sure, Erik was apologetic, very, very apologetic but he was also still the _arrogant, self-assured man_ that Charles had met not more than a year ago in the water. That arrogance still go the better of him every once in a while and it would take all of Charles' determination not to turn to him, place two fingers to his temples and _order_ him to leave his home.

And during those times when Erik was not around (which was less and less often – Charles got the feeling that Erik was protecting him out of guilt), Charles still had the constant _reminder_ of what happened to him. Shoes and socks for example were a hassle that often led to a half-hour battle just to get them on. And when he was done, all Charles wanted to do was to crawl back into bed and nap. Getting a book from a shelf was another example. On those days – _most days –_ he fervently wished for the power of telekinesis as well. All these daily trials and tribulations were causing Charles to feel more and more grumpy; grumpiness which often led to anger and anger which led to resentment.

And Charles Xavier was beginning to resent Erik.

The younger mutants were also wary of Erik's return. At first they avoided him like the plague and with some encouragement (which may or may not have included a few choice _mental_ suggestions) they slowly but surely warmed up to him. But they were also taking cues from their mentor, whom for the life of him could not help but broadcast specific thoughts every once in a while.

It was like his telepathy was going a bit haywire on him and perhaps it was, but Charles was not in the mood to currently examine if his telepathy was expanding or not.

Perhaps, Charles thought warily, it was a bit too soon to introduce Erik back into his life.

Unfortunately for him, this was one of those thoughts that was sent directly into Erik's mind.

"Would you like me to leave," Erik asked later on that night. His steely green eyes were filled with pain and his hands were clenched at his sides.

"What," Charles said swiftly glancing up from one of his many books on genetics. His bedroom was currently even messier than Erik remembered. It was just another reminder of what he had done Charles.

"I heard what you thought," Erik said gritting his teeth. He hadn't moved from the door.

Charles blinked at the man. "No," he said after a moment. "I don't want you to leave. The very thought of losing you again would tear me apart." Here Charles set his head in his hands and looked at the German drilling holes into him.

Erik softened a moment. "Then what is troubling you?"

Here Charles cannot answer. He was never a good liar – Raven reminded him of that often – so he opts for the truth, knowing that it will hurt Erik. "You, my friend," he says softly, trying to keep the welling emotion from his face.

Erik stares at him without understanding.

"I trust you, you must know that, but at the same time I don't," Charles raises his hand as Erik begins to answer. "Please, let me finish," Erik shuts his mouth again and gestures for him to continue. "Two months is not exactly enough…_time_ for wounds – emotional wounds - to heal properly. I must…I must learn how to adjust to life currently before I can begin to adjust to life with you again. Does that make sense?"

Erik nods slowly, the hurt clearly showing his eyes.

"My friend, if I let you back in without giving myself a chance to heal, this wound will most likely fester and possibly grow worse. The last thing I would want to do is to…resent you," Charles said. This time, he cannot keep the tears that so desperately want to spill over his cheeks. He starts crying, hating himself for feeling weak, needy and so _dependent _on someone else. Instantly, Erik is there in front of him, wiping the tears away from his face.

"You clearly need time to yourself to think things through," Erik says, burying his face in Charles' nerveless lap. "You mustn't think that you're damaged or weak or needy. Anyone else would have succumbed to depression. Anyone else would have turned to other less healthy forms of coping. But not you, you with your lofty goals, your general optimistic views on the world and your unending well of love and kindness. You have not succumbed." Erik looks up after his rambling and sees Charles' anguished face. Putting two and two together knowing that it was not necessarily his handicap but his turbulent sea of emotions that threaten Charles, "I promise to come back," Erik said. "I won't leave you alone again willingly." He handed him Shaw's damnable helmet. There were quiet for a while, both hearts breaking, not knowing the next time they would see each other. "I always knew that I could never keep myself away from you. It truly was just a matter of time before I came back," Erik said, resting his head in Charles' lap again. Charles runs his fingers through Erik's hair. "I was, perhaps, a bit too early this time," he said ruefully. He sighs and looks up, "think loudly when you are ready," Erik's smile ventured into a smirk. He caressed Charles' cheek once again before standing and dropping a passionate kiss onto Charles' lips. Erik burned this feeling into his mind; of how soft Charles' lips are, of how the faint smell of chamomile tea and honey come from Charles and of how their tears mingle together.

"Heal and forgive me fully," Erik says before turning around and leaving. Erik left before he would let the tears fall from his eyes. He walked faster before he would acknowledge the tears fall from his face.

About six months later, Charles is busy with teaching the new recruits, remodeling the mansion and thinking about taking a short break. Alex and Sean's powers had accidentally gotten the best of them and they almost destroyed most of the east wing while playfully fighting one day.

Charles heard a loud gasp from both of the boys.

_Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod Ohmygodohymygod _Both boys are practically screaming this into Charles' mind. _He's gonna kill us! Oh, my god, he's going to throw us out!_

This breaks Charles' heart.

"I would never throw you out," Charles snaps at them when he finds them. "I may be _angry_ but I would never throw you out." He softened, just a bit here, "I love the both of you….no matter how aggravating I happen to find the both of you currently."

Both young men are stock still, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But nothing happens. Just an up tilting of Charles' left eyebrow. "I do expect the both of you to clean up this mess and to help move the students who _used to live_ in this wing to the west wing until it has been rebuilt. And the rebuilding process will include the both of you, understood?"

Sean and Alex nodded dumbly still staring at their beloved Professor.

Charles sighed and stretched out his arms. Both boys fell into them quite easily. _They may be young men,_ he thinks, _but they still crave my love and attention._

That was last week.

This week, however, Charles wanted to lock them in a room together to see who would make it out alive, you know to relieve stress. This has nothing to do with the fact that Alex almost burned everyone alive by trying to light the grill last night or the fact that Sean had been playing pranks on everyone. No, none whatsoever. He sighed and drew a hand through his wavy brown hair. _If I keep this up, my hair will fall out, _he thinks and frowns.

_I should certainly hope not,_ Erik's voice pops into his head. Charles was obviously projecting loudly.

_Erik?_

_Yes, were you expecting someone else, my friend?_ The amusement was evident in the German's tone.

_Where are you?_

_Where am I? I am nearby._

_Really?_

_Really. I told you that I could never truly leave you. _

Charles did not answer, his heart beating strangely and a smile forming on his face.

_Charles?_

_Yes?_

_What was this about a short break?_

_What? Are you inviting yourself on my break? _Charles missed this teasing banter. Actually, if the truth were known, Charles just missed _Erik._

_Only if you'll have me. _Erik was careful here; not wanting to overstep his boundaries. He and Charles have had short chats off and on since this second time he left. These chats were purposefully causal in nature, but they were laced with longing and need. But Erik can no longer keep himself away from the telepath.

Charles smiles and sends it to Erik. _You know, my friend, I know of this lovely little place…_

Erik knows that Charles is on his way to forgiving him and for that he is eternally grateful.

-End-

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><p>Reviews are awesome.<p> 


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